Dear Annelise,

One year ago today I woke up early, showered and dressed, kissed your brothers goodbye, shed a few tears, and headed to the hospital. I checked in, got set-up in a room, met several nurses and doctors, made nervous chitchat with Daddy, and headed to the OR. I waited and shivered while the nurses got things set up and the anesthesiologist did my spinal. I noticed that the radio was tuned to the station I usually listen to. I laid down, listened to the chatter as last minute preparations were done, stared at the blue curtain spread out above me, and held tightly to Daddy’s hand. And then, finally, the moment I had waited for since seeing those two pink lines nine months before arrived, and I heard your beautiful cry for the very first time.

For the first few days of your life I kept referring to you as ‘Little Man’, ‘Handsome’, and ‘Buddy’, but it didn’t take long to get used to having a daughter. You may be too little to talk or even understand what I’m talking about most of the time, but I suddenly felt like I had someone on my side. The boys could laugh hysterically about toots and poop and I finally had someone to roll my eyes at and get a knowing smile in return.

I’ve had lots of fun dressing you. I’ve never been a big shopper… until now. I used to think boys’ clothes were just as cute as girls’ clothes… until now. I’ve never filled the closet with clothing that won’t fit for at least a year… until now.

And although you do have a great wardrobe, I hope I always teach you that inner beauty is far more important than your outer appearance.

There are so many things I look forward to with you. Girls nights, chatting over coffee (or a non-caffeinated beverage for you), doing our nails (but wait! I’ve already started that!!)

Most of all though, I look forward to being friends. I know there will be rocky times when you won’t like me, but I truly hope that we can weather those tumultuous teen years with little to no damage. I hope to be the first one you think of when you have news or heartache to share, and in turn, I hope that after your father, you are the one I call as well.

The past year has flown by, and we are discovering more and more each day what a blessing you are in our lives. That toothy smile, those wet kisses, that little finger that points at everything, those wonderful cuddles, that shrill scream, all the little things I take for granted that might not last much longer before you start to become a little girl instead of a baby. I admit that I hate the thought of you not being a baby anymore, but I’ll concentrate on the fact that there is much to look forward to.

Happy first birthday sweet girl! I love you big big.

Love, Mommy